Sunshine of Happiness

Its kind of weird, the time at which I write my posts, now being 4:11 am on 05 July, 2010.

But it has been that kind of a day or rather night.

Long time ago, my mother had told me that if you can find happiness in other's joy, you will be happy more often than not. At point in my life when I am facing one of my lowest lows, it is on a dark and rainy night that I have found the glow of happiness within. It is after such a long time that I am truly happy from the inside. Superficial happiness is always transitory, true happiness one can bundle and take along in one's heart like a beacon of never ending light. And this light is the sunshine of happiness, eternal and supreme. And it is even more radiant for the fact that I am for not myself but someone else.

I had a good feeling about today.

It has been that kind of a day rather night :D

Cheers,

moksha

The Chennai Diaries: 21/04/2010

Hey!

Its 8:58 am on my laptop and I am at Mumbai's Chatrapati Shivaji Domestic Airport. After spending the past week and a half in Mumbai/Goa on what can be termed only as a paid vacation, its time to do some serious work and hence GCPL has packed me off to Chennai. Its one more of life's jokes that a person who would give his right arm to do this project from Mumbai needs to go to Chennai and work out the project in the south. Hence this series of posts will be labelled the Chennai Diaries, capturing the life and times of a GCPL summer intern in an unknown city.

The past few months can be termed as the months of discontentment. There was soo much internal negativity around everything I did or wanted to do, that I ended up doing quite a bit of crap in the first 3 months of the year. Not quite the way I would have wanted to start of the year! But things are slowly getting better, and I have had probably the best days of the entire year in the last week and a half. So when I was told that I needed to get to Chennai asap, I thought God's magnum rifle is out again. Going to Chennai means leaving a lot of things behind, friends, Mumbai, family, vada pav, but you always need to take the rough with the smooth. But I guess I am beginning to understand how chacha must have felt when he left for Hyderabad and also why the 'cutie pie' had such a radiant smile at the airport. I guess when you live with a bunch of people for 8 months straight 24X7 you get attached wether you like it or not, wether you want to or not. And this attachement is usually stronger towards people rather than the place itself. I mean if I had Sumeet, Maddy, Chacha, Bheem, Balls and the rest of the gang in Chennai, that would become heaven!

So Chennai it is. I have been to Chennai before but that was quite a while back somewhere abouts 2002, gosh thats already 8 years man! I hope that Chennai doesn't turn out to be as boring as people have told me. Language is a big barrier in that city I agree, but that does not mean non-Tamil speaking people don't survive in Chennai. I hope that I can get to know the city very well and explore it properly and have a good time. Prima facie it doesn't look like it, but still, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Work is going to be hectic but I guess I'll be learning a lot since my project involves a lot of field visits ans stuff. My guide is pretty awesome and pretty busy so its kinda hard both ways. Actually I am pretty sacred about my work. I guess its just the fact that I have never worked before, so these are like pre-game jitters and stuff. The FMCG industry is so varied and changes so fast that its quite scary to try and understand the industry as a whole in just about 2 months. I just hope that I don't end up maing a complete fool of myself out there. There are a lot of decisions to be made, right from wether FMCG is the right place for me to work to wether GCPL is worth the effort.

I think I am defined by the randomness of thoughts that prevade my mind at any given point of time. The key is to find the chain that links each of these thoughts together. It sometimes surprises even me as to how many different thoughts can co-exist in a human brain. So I struggle to find that calm, that lost island of equanimity within. Meanwhile, is it a sign from the Gods or fate's way of testing me further, I don't know but my flight just got delayed again!

See you when the rain comes home!

cheers,

Omkar

In Retrospect...... :D

So it has ended..... officially the first year of my MBA @ MDI is over and done with.

The farewell party for the seniors is done and dusted with. When we come back next term on June the 14th we are going to be seniors. Thats pretty scary. Scary because according to me thats a big responsibility, especially in a course like MBA. I remember the Ecclesia we had in Mumbai last year. We met up with so many seniors and alumni. I got a lot of sound advice from most of the people I met there. I think the Buffet Dinner analogy was the best. :D

Past one year has been one of tremendous ups and downs. I have learnt many new lessons and re-learnt many of the old ones. I wanted to do a lot of things at MDI, some I could do, some I could not. The learning curve has been pretty steep for me. Slowly it has dawned on me that there are more thorns than roses in anybody's path.

But for me the past year is not characterized by the thorns but the roses that I have picked up. It is about the amazing set of friends I have made. It is about the awesome singing sessions on Gurukul steps. Its about dancing to Rang De Basanti at sunrise on Pammi's birthday. Its about Sumeet chasing me all over Kshitij for jumping on top of him. Its about Vindi's closed mouth. Its about Phillip mistaking the headlights of a truck for two bikes in a fog and trying to pass between them. Its about Sachin beating us at bowling and Suraj loosing his sleep over it. It is about Mohit going crazy with Imperium fund re-imbursment. Its about Shubhayan getting caught cheating in an exam. Its about Nitin getting drunk and showing me the middle finger. Its about Nadi shouting expletives at random rickshaw waalas at IFFCO chowk. Its about 'You say sssupp...... we say Bhabi!!'. Its about Priyata trying to speak proper Hindi. Its about Ritambara breaking her bed. Its about Ayushi topping Corporate Finance. Its about Dev becoming a hero. Its about Bala picking up luggage. Its about 'awww...' and 'there....there'. Its about JD staring. Its about Divya fretting about a 0.01 drop in her CG. Its about Puja and PUPI. Its about Anup and his PJs. Its about Maddy and dog imitations. Its about having crazy profs and talking about them. Its about all the photos and videos. Its about being the Kitty Party. Its about going to Ritambara's place in Manesar for awesome food. Its about presentations at 1:00 am. Its about Maddy's parents coming over for her birthday. Its about molesting Shrek in 207K. Its about 'Bazzinga'. Its about eating like hogs but never in the mess. Its about trying to get the first row in CF class. Its about sleeping through OM lectures. Its about Boom thinking the prof is a ghost. Its about arcus,jhaji and sharmaji. Its about scoring a C- in MICROECONOMICS and an A in MP-II. Its about the pain of loosing Kshitij but the balm of gaining a brilliant roomie. Its about flights and ETAs. Its about all the bowling binges. Its about badminton at 2 am. Its about winning medals in swimming. Its about fucking the Naagin. Its about Shefali and 'Kya hai?'. Its about Ronny and jute bags. Its about Riddhi and burkhas. Its about Placeeom vs. Exchange. Its about the night time walks. Its about having C-square meetings at 10:30 pm on gtalk. Its about the bench. Its about crushing disappointments. Its about learning that the person in front of you is not perfect yet loving him/her. Its about learning more about yourself than ever before. Its about forgiving and being forgived. Its about taking the rough with the smooth. Its about knowing that people have got your back. Its about finding love and hate both. Its about loving yourself and loving your life. Its about being human.

How will the second year be? Will the internship change us? Will we repeat everything we did last year or will our bhasad reach newer heights? Will we be able to do justice to ourselves? Will we learn even more? Will we struggle? Will we sail? Will we love? Will we hate? Will we grow up? Will the coming year be the most memorable of our lives?

You know what, I just cannot wait to find out. :)

See you when the rain comes home.

cheers,

Omkar

Unaswered Questions

In another 20 days or so, I end my first year at MDI.

I was talking to my father the other day and we were discussing how to evaluate the value that this one year has added to me. I think he made a very simple yet powerful observation. The value added is simply how different I am one year after joining MDI. Is there something within me that has changed and if yes then what?

So what has changed? I think a lot has changed. I have learnt many lessons here. Some good, some bad, some easy, some harsh. I think the biggest one has been the affirmation of the long standing cliché that the world is a bad bad place. But this post isn't about that. My biggest lesson is that I have begun to question my long standing basic beliefs on friendship and relationships. I am seeing people change in front of my eyes and I am powerless to do anything about it. Everything that I thought I could do is falling apart in front of my eyes, and I cannot control it. People I thought who I could trust and be really close to have decided (apparently) that I am just not good enough a friend for them, and they have moved on. Is it possible that people can just drop a friend for another?

But why me? I mean, if people have problems, why can't they just come up and sort it out face to face like adults. Why is it that there can never be any purity of relationship here? The only craving I have is for that sense of belonging, for my friends to be what they are supposed to be, my friends. Maybe I am over-possessive, but that is something I am consciously working upon. And frankly, it hurts to be re-placed. It does. Suddenly my friends are not happy when I am around, but the moment they are with others, they are cackling and full of life. I am suddenly getting tired of this place. I don't know whether I can survive another year here or no, like this. The two month break for my intern-ship is looking like manna sent from heaven.

Maybe its just me, my sense of stupidity and insecurity that is driving me crazy. But I am like that. I keep people very close to my heart. And the moment there is any strain to get away, it pulls on my heart and causes pain. And there are some pains which go beyond others. When the people closest to you move away, the pain is intolerable and irrefutable. You see, there is no place else I can go. My mistake is that I have put in too much into too few a people. I don't know what to do now. Its like I am marooned on an island and there is no sail in sight.

There are no answers, only questions............

cheers,

moksha

Finally

18:something IST on the 24th of February 2010.

200 not out

Imagine a standard ninth class 20 years from now. A teacher asks a student what is poetic justice. The student goes up to the board and writes 24/02/2010 200*. For that is what it is. A perfect 200*, not a run more, not a run less. If there was any remaining shred of doubt, it has surely been blown away. If anyone person could have broken this barrier it was him.

But you know what is the most enduring image from the game? 49th over, last ball. Dhoni whacks it down the ground and he scampers through for a single. A single on 199 not out? With six balls remaining in the innings and enough runs on the board? That's selflessness personified.

For his entire career he has carried us on his backs, all the billion plus of us. He has fallen, only rise greater and better. I cringe at the mere thought of the Indian batting line-up without his name. Somehow, everything remains possible when he is there.

Each stroke from his willow has conducted the symphony of the heavens themselves. And the music has lifted our hearts, brought back our smiles, even enabled us to feel pity for Warne in 1998.

For 20 years, over a sixth of humanity has united in prayer to a single God. And there have been aspersions cast over him from the sect of non-believers. They said he was old, he was feeble, he didn't have it in him any more. That he was not the best.

And each time the gong of his response has been singular. The sound of the ball hitting the middle of the bat, and racing past the fielders on its way. His mouth has been his bat and it has done quite a lot of talking.

But we Indians are not satisfied. I want India to win the world cup at the new Wankhede in Mumbai and for him to score a century. You see how even I write 'want' and not 'wish'?

Most people would think what now? What is left for him? Rest assured, this 200 is special but it is neither his motivation nor his inspiration. They both still remain the Re. 1 coins that coach Archrekar put on his stumps at the Shivaji Park nets some 22 years ago.

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar - 200 not out. FINALLY

The Roller-coaster

Wow! The last 1 week has been one helluva a ride!

I guess you do get a different perspective when you have seen the highest of the emotional highs and the lowest of emotional lows.....

I think not getting into PLACECOM hurt more than loosing the Gen-Sec election, and I really don't understand why. I guess it was probably my last chance to be able to make a really meaningful contribution to MDI, or maybe it was not. It just hurt real bad.

I sometimes wonder, whether it is right to be so emotionally attached to the people who are close to you. I think I get hurt way too easily on some fronts and then start to make doomsday prophecies about them. It is what Sumeet refers to as La-La land! :) I think I need to start becoming impersonal about certain issues in life and start giving time. But then that is just not me. I will go full out for any person who is dear to me. The crux of the problem does not lie there. It lies in the fact that I begin to expect from others as well. I never expect that I get the same as I give, but the fact that small things seem insignificant to others seems to gall me. A phone call, enquiring about dinner, these things matter a lot to me but not to others.

I am slowly getting used to the fact that most of the world will not care two hoots about you. I think it is the search for that portion of the world that truly cares about you which is important. You may flit like a bee from one flower to another but when you are in real need, there is only one beehive to which you will return. The question is you may care for someone but that person may not care for you. Then what do you do? Do you still push, still care, still put effort or do you simply stop because that person will not respond.

This is an intensely personal choice and there is not right or wrong way. Personally I have chosen the tough way and decided to plough on, irrespective of how the other person feels or responds. I know I am going to feel cheated, humiliated, angry, frustrated. But I know that if I stop doing it, then I will feel even worse than this. Only through the paths of fire are the men of steel created. Maybe this is my path of fire, this is where God will test me. In the end, I might not even get what I wanted. But yet I shall move alone. I may not be the first choice, but I definitely will be the last option.

The best part of this whole week was the discovery that I am not alone. Finding someone who is having the same struggles as you does not necessarily lighten the load of the fight but it does give you a semblance of hope that what you do is not madness, and your beliefs are shared by others too. It is only in cauldron of brotherhood that the stew of hope is brewed. I thank God for showing me that I am not alone.

I am leaving for Mumbai on Thursday evening. And I am pissed that I cannot be totally happy about it too. But as I write these words, it dawns upon me that most of the things in life that trouble us are beyond our control. Maybe the three days I am not at college will spark something new. Maybe there will be a small feeling of missing me somewhere. Maybe I will get a half minute phone call. Maybe my basketball match scores will become important.

Maybe it won't happen.

But I still struggle and live in hope.

cheers,

moksha

For Kiddo :)

Seema left for Shanghai today morning 8 am IST.

It seems just yesterday that we were in class at SFIT, practising for the volleyball finals, cheering and jeering each other and she flat out beating me in every exam we took :)

Time does fly really really fast. And you really should not have any regrets because that will really not matter whatsoever. The point I am trying to make here is that whatever time you have spend it wisely. In just another blink of your eyes you will be in your cocoon of routine and then all you have left is memories of times spent with friends in college.

If you have some friends make sure that you gather enough memories about them to last a lifetime, for sometimes that's all you will be left with. Take time out to make sure that there are moments that you will cherish forever, 10 years down the line you should be able to make each and every moment come alive again. The moments could be the most profound and also the most mundane, it doesn't matter. Each is precious and preserve it well. Spend time with each other, all the grades, marks and other issues become in-germane down the line. And do not hold back, its probably the worst thing you can do, for it leaves scope for regret. Have faith in your friendship and trust in your friends, it'll never let you down. And remember, true friends are always there.....

Seema once gave me some of the best advice I have ever had in my life, she said that if I wanted to learn the guitar I needed to fall in love with it. Thanks kiddo! Never got round to saying that. I hope you have a brilliant time in Shanghai and learn some Mandarin too :)

cheers,

moksha

Time to get lil serious

The great thing about being at MDI is that you can have so many seemingly random discussions which actually lead you to start thinking and changing yourself.

I was sitting at Nescafe with Shrek, Shef, Mitthu and Anup doing bakar, when Anup showed us the presentation that he will be giving for a really prestigious competition. Shrek had just returned from IIM A after reaching the finals of a case study competition. He mentioned that how intensely competitive IIM A was and how great the experience was. He also exhorted me to start participating seriously in the good competitions and not give up any chance that came my way.

That led me thinking very seriously about my commitment to the competitions that I had taken a part in. I guess I never ever took them even a bit seriously. Most of the time I would not even send in an entry after registering for the event. I really need to change this and start participating sincerely. I guess what we can do and think on our own is going to give us a real education. It will not be the textbooks we read or the papers we write. I guess its time to really start thinking about the cases that come up and not just writing faff because I have to. And the prizes are not the primary motivation, I really need to start thinking that is all. My brain is like deep frozen right now.

I also hope that I can form a stable team to take part in these competitions. I guess that is very necessary because it helps build great rapport and the team develops a working style of its own. The two people that I team up with right now, Maddy and Philter are amongst the best on campus and I really hope that we can win some really good competitions.

I guess I really need to start preparing for a year and a half down the line from now onwards itself or else I am pretty much screwed.

cheers

moksha